Questions about the IMB Baptism Policy?
What constitues a legitimate baptism according to the new guidelines with IMB? I was just considering worst case scenarios.....
1. If the person being baptised falls coming down the steps and immersed before the pastor touches them--does this count as a "legitimate" baptism?
2. If the pastor performing the baptism is having a bad day and maybe is doubting his salvation--does this count as a "legitimate" baptism?
3. If the person being baptised is not dunked all the way under--does this count as a "legitimate" baptism?
4. If the person is baptised in a church that gives only 9.9% to the Cooperative Program--does this count as a "legitimate" baptism?
5. If the pastor says something un-audible that is mistaken for a private prayer language while they are raising their hand during the baptism--does this count as a "legitimate" baptism?
6. If the robes used during the baptism were not purchased at Lifeway--does this count as a "legitimate" baptism?
7. If the person being baptised is being immersed by water provided by Annheiser Busch (during hurricane relief) --does this count as a "legitimate" baptism?
8. If a person is baptised and a tree falls in the forest and no one is there....-does this count as a "legitimate" baptism?
posted by Kevin Bussey at 2/23/2006 05:30:00 PM
17 Comments:
that's hilarious.
Re: #8. Was the tree in a forest at one of our Baptist encampments? 'Cause, I'm thinking that'll make a difference.
Bowden,
I didn't think about that one! That's good
hey, kdawg, the only people allowed to officially answer your questions aren't commenting, so don't hold your breath.
my "unofficial" answer is i'd rebaptize #1 & #3. just don't ask me to back up my answer either biblically or on the basis of baptist history.
one more thing... i'm sure glad my last swallow of coffee was too far down the hatch to come spewing out my nose and all over my monitor when i read this!
Kevin,
I don't mean to change the tone of this conversation, but I do have a rather interesting question:
Where in the Scriptures does it say a "pastor" or "minister" (et al) can only baptize a new believer?
Please know that I'm NOT looking to pick a fight or start trouble. I'm asking this purely from a lay person who is trying to understand.
Mark,
It doesn't say it anywhere. There are many churches that allow lay members to baptise. It's cool with me. I don't like the new IMB policies though.
Very nice. Hyperbole make the point very well.
Great ideas Mo!
The baptizer must ensure that the baptisees (no such word I hope) wallet is completely immersed to insure proper tithing so the church building programs will continue unabated.
My aunt was baptized in a Baptist church then switched to a COC. She felt her baptism was valid, but because of all the flak she received from the COC about her baptism being unscriptural (wrong church) she was finally re-baptized "into" the COC; then everyone went home happy.
This may take a minute, but I have to tell this story here.
In my first position as a Youth Minister while still in college, ('87) I led a young lady to the Lord. She was "big boned," and by that I mean should was exactly that - not the euphamism for overweight. She was taller, wider and stronger than me, by far.
Anyway, it turns out that she is a little scared when it comes time to be baptized. Our interim pastor at the time was a wiley old veteran who had seen it all, but maybe not this.
She was not just bigger than me, she was bigger than every other man in the church, including our interim pastor - a retired minister. As he tried to lean her back, she would just start walking backward to keep from being tipped into the water.
After a few tries, Dr. M, offers her the chance to leave so that he can baptize the others who were waiting. The Youth Group, sitting front and center are snickering like crazy and I am just trying to keep some symblance of normalcy and decorum.
As the others are being baptized, some well meaning helper convinces this girl - only a sophomore, by the way - to try again after everyone else. This was not Dr. M's plan as he started to move into the service, but is inturrupted with this girl coming back into the pool.
He graciously, but in a startled way, allows her back and comments that we will try this one more time. As he starts to baptize her, it looks as though she will back up again, but all of a sudden, her legs, uncovered and bigger than any man's in the room, shoot straight into the air as her head goes back. She comes up spluttering and tries to get her feet back under her.
The Youth Group is in complete meltdown. I am no longer trying to quiet them as I am laughing almost uncontrollably myself. Dr. M pulls it together, helps her out and gives the service to the Minister of Music at the podium.
In Staff meeting the next day, I bring it up, sensing the elephant in the room and we just start laughing about it. Everyone else does, too - we had a great staff that was very real, no false fronts. I ask what happened and how did he get her to go down and why did her legs shoot up?
Dr. M smiles and looks down. "Well, I wasn't going to put up with that foolishness all day. I don't know who sent her back down there, but I was going to move on when she came walking back into the pool. Nothing I could do, but I decided that if she started that walking back stuff again, I would stop it."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"When she started back, I just kicked her feet out from under her and put her down."
Silence.
Mass hysteria.
My question is, that since she her legs were under and her head was under, but not at the same time, is this a valid baptism?
Art,
That is a great story!
Cool story Justamoe
Blogspot has been slow today.
Kevin,
I love this post!!! Doug and I were laughing out loud.
The additional stories are great, too.
This stuff needs to be published somewhere. (Maybe Walker Moore at Awe Star ministries would do it. He writes one of my favorite columns in the Baptist Messenger.)
I read your blog often, but have never commented. However, I had to on this one! It is hilarious!
My dad was a Baptist preacher for 30 years. Even though we weren't in the same conference as you, these fit great!
Den Mother,
Very nice. I laughed out loud.
Den Mother,
That's priceless!
Re: #4. It would not be a legitimate baptism for IMB purposes since a church that gives only 9.9% is not a cooperating Southern Baptist Church (it HAS to be 10%). But it would definitely count for the "Everyone Can" challenge. When you're trying to get a million, you can't afford to be picky.
Re: #11 (by justamoe). She would have to follow the biblical injunction (I'm paraphrasing here; I don't have my HCSB with me), "If your right arm offends you, cut it off and cast it from you." Then she could be a missionary.
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